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Do We Now Get to Call Joe Salazar a “Rapist”?

by | 8:13 am, February 19, 2013 | Comments Off

I mean, that’s what lefties did to Ken Buck, after all: equated his treatment of an unprosecutable rape case with him being a rapist himself.

Now, Joe Salazar’s comments yesterday are nothing like what Ken Buck did (no…they’re actually bad). But that won’t matter a bit. In a few days, this will all blow over as just another Republican-generated nontroversy that only a bunch of right-wing teabaggers ever cared about. Because, you see, Joe Salazar is a Democrat, and that makes it all okay.

How this incident might hypothetically play out if Joe Salazar were a Republican:

  • Local politics-watchers eager for an exploitable gaffe direct attention to his comments via Twitter and other social media: “Jeez, this guy said something really stupid about a woman’s ability to prevent her rape!”
  • Professional grievance-mongers pick up on it, and repackage it to enhance the sense of outrage (personalized towards the offending Republican and very pointedly ignoring the firearm element of his comments so as not to tacitly recognize the value of firearms for self-defense): “This neanderthal’s comments demean women and trivialize rape!”, “Whistles stop rape – unless they’re wolf-whistles!”, “ALL of Colorado should be a ‘safe zone’ from people like him!”
  • Well-funded activist organizations capitalize on the enhanced outrage: “His horrific comments are not what ordinary hard-working Coloradans believe, but they do clearly reflect the troubling, backward, and out-of-touch woman-hating perspective of each and every teabagging racist rich white elitist registered Republican in this state. Won’t you help us build a community free of hate in Colorado, by donating $50 so we can defeat these misogynistic subhumans even more in 2014?”
  • Sensing a twofer story — something sensational(ized) and congruent with their ideological biases — local media swoop in to cover/fan the controversy: “But enough with his inflammatory words and phrases carefully excised to optimally titillate our particular scandal-hungry demographic. Now we turn for objective perspectives on the idiotic statements of this appalling Republican ogre from our panel of Progressive activists…”
  • Paid activists use social media to broadcast and amplify the media coverage and helpful negative responses: “RT @RapeWhistleDog: he’s an icky creeper who’s afraid of strong, independent women!”, “We demand that #JoeSalazarResign!”, “Attn: @WashingtonPost, @NYTimes: RT ‘Joe Salazar condones shooting women rape victims!’”
  • The aforementioned activist organizations communicate the scandal to their motherships in DC, who then push this ‘breaking local bombshell’ into national media outlets: “Meanwhile in Colorado this evening, sensible and utterly nonpartisan people are calling foul over the dark-age comments of a Republican politician…”
  • The GOP establishment, cowering from the unwanted attention, withdraws all financial and other support from the offending politician, and publicly calls on donors to abandon him should he consider running for reelection in 2014: “We don’t know what he said but if it’s controversial in any way it doesn’t reflect our views! OMG!!! We’ll preemptively surrender! We’ll throw him overboard! We’ll do anything you want! Please, just stop talking about this so we can go back to quietly using the party to enrich ourselves and our connected pals while accomplishing nothing! Oh please God make this all go away!“
  • Salazar is shunned by his GOP colleagues (who are still tainted by his actions anyway, via the usual guilt-by-association shaming tactics), but defiantly doubles-down on the stupid: “I apologize if you were offended by what I said. What I really meant was something even worse…”
  • Salazar clings to his office, permitting Progressive activists to steer all talk of politics in the state on the ongoing controversy, raise funds and register Democrat voters with it, and damage Republicans up and down the ticket regardless of their stated views or personal history on the matter: “Jane Smith is a registered Republican, just like rape-defending misogynist Republican Joe Salazar — is a rape victim who sympathizes with pro-rape Republicans like rape-loving Republican Joe Salazar the kind of person you want to be your next Prowers County dogcatcher?”
  • Even after having served its purpose in winning the Democrat Party additional seats in the next election, for years afterwards every online reference to Republicans in Colorado includes an obligatory reference to the scandal: “Even after the 2022 redistricting, Mary Jones’ seat is considered a Republican ‘safe zone’ this year …”, “Gee, maybe Congressman Doe should just offer cut-off welfare recipients whistles – if they prevent rape (according to Republicans), why wouldn’t they prevent poverty?”

How this incident will play out with Joe Salazar actually being a Democrat:

  • Progressive activists try to ignore his comments, but are pushed into acknowledging that yes, Salazar’s comments are actually a little bit offensive…kinda….sorta…“but not nearly as bad as what Akin and Mourdock said! Remember those guys? They’re Republicans!!!“
  • Salazar issues a non-apology apology: “I’m sorry if you were offended by what I said.”
  • Controversy is brushed off by the left as manufactured outrage from the Right, paid for by the gun lobby as a gotcha for Salazar bravely (if ineptly) standing up to the laughable notion that guns are useful to women for self-defense.
  • A week later we’re back to more important controversies like Marco Rubio drinking water or how petroleum fracking is going to cause burning toxic-waste asteroids to hit Grand Junction or whatever.
Category: 2013 Regular Session, Blogging, Colorado, Colorado Democracy Alliance, Colorado Politics, Democrats, Featured, Grassroots, Gun Rights, Humor, Media Bias, Politics
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