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In Which the Washington Bureau Chief Rejoices in Her Childlessness

by | 5:05 am, February 15, 2009 | 1 Comment

Over at the tremendously amusing Daily Beast, there’s an article detailing the woes of status symbols parents (by which I mean the rug rats serve as validation and tools for scoring points) as they await acceptance letters…for preschool.

Along with the mother who still ruminates on the train wreck that will her child’s life because the tot was having an off day when she took her entrance exam for kindergarten, and thus did not garner a slot at Blithmore-Twidley Prep, is this gem from a frantic father:

“Our neighbor put up a John  McCain yard sign, and I almost had a heart attack.  What if someone on the admissions committee drove by and confused the houses?  My wife had to stop me from asking him to take it down.”

America, 2009, this is your life.  Respecting your fellow citizen’s right to a political voice matters naught when what’s at stake is whether darling Ashley and Blake can be saved from having their milk and cookies with the riff raff.

And why are the admissions officers making surreptitious drive-bys at applicants’ houses?  Isn’t that just a touch over-the-line?  If Daddy is giving himself ulcers over making sure the school knows how fashionably left he is, why not wear a Che t-shirt to the interview?  Or invite the principle to a fundraiser he ‘just happens to be throwing’ for solidarity with Palestine?

Better yet, make a stunning display of tolerance by blowing up the house of your vile right-wing neighbor.  That’s guaranteed to let the school know how serious you are about working for peace and it will also prevent them getting your house confused with that of your fascist neighbor.

Of course, once Taylor and Burke get into this esteemed academy, your hard work will pay off.  There, the little snowflakes will learn tolerance and respect for individual rights as they study along with a rigorously chosen class of the most deserving and capable students.

They will be exposed to a variety of opinions, giving them the chance to hone their own ideas and form their own voice through reflection and sharing of ideas, while internalizing the fundamental importance, especially to maintain a free state, of respecting those who disagree.  They will see innate human dignity in the people they meet, and remember that those inalienable rights apply no matter how much you disagree.

They will learn to make a firm stand for their own beliefs without being rude, condescending, or self-important, and they will develop enough confidence to hear opposing viewpoints without descending into childish antics.

By graduation day, Madison and Luke will have no problem counting people who hold contrasting opinions among their social circles.  They will simply know that educated, cultured, thoughtful, good people may disagree about politics.   Such people, the fine young adults you have raised, will not even have a problem with living next door to someone whose thinking isn’t a complete clone of their own.  And they will never do something so shallow as write off a human being for not constraining his thinking into an approved channel.

Oh, wait, no they won’t.  They’ll very likely turn out to be bigoted, vain, and self important – absurdly calling themselves ‘liberal’ and ‘free thinking’ because their particular prejudices have the approval of a self selected elite.

They’ll run the risk of becoming the sort who hate merit because there’s no fun in belonging to a self-selecting elite when a real elite exists.  They’ll carefully avoid anyone whose opinions might challenge their own and then wonder how popular dissenting opinions can be because they don’t know anyone who thinks ‘that way’ and they know everybody.

So go ahead.  Go trample on a tax-paying, law-abiding American’s right to free speech and private property.  Tell him you think he ought to clear anything he places on his lawn with you.  Explain to him that all that First Amendment mush is really just theory.  Tell him how you want to appropriate is identity in order to fashion the image you want to project to the world.  I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to do so if you just add in that it’s for the children.

But, in all your plotting to get the all-important acceptance letter, don’t forget to vote against school choice.  Dear god, you can’t have those ghastly free-market individualists using the government’s money to send their children just anywhere.  After all, someone has to populate the public schools.  That’s what other peoples’ children are for.

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Category: Humor, Philosophy, Pop Culture

Comments

  1.   captalistbitch
      February 16th, 2009 @ 8:46 am

    Amen, sister.

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